.[&]. You keep coming back to tell me. [Private]

[Fawn <3]

Fawnstep[/u][/font][/size]
.x.I don't want to feel the pain
.xx.what good would it do me now?



Fawnstep's light green eyes gazed out from the medicine cats den. The weather was suitable enough, she decided, to go out and gather some herbs for her supply. They were running rather low on various herbs, especially juniper and tansy. StarClan knows they would need it with leaf-bare just around the corner. Hopefully greencough wouldn't rear its ugly head at her clanmates this coming season.
I should probably get some more catmint too, she mused, and honey, that soothes throats. And is about the only thing I can get the others to willingly force down their mouths, she added with a light laugh.
Her laugh sounded off, even to her, and she was determined not to think about why that may be, for that might lead to thoughts of him, and such thoughts were declared forbidden in Fawnstep's mind.
There was no way she would abandon her clan, but a small voice inside her wondered what it would be like, living without a care and knowing someone like Foxtracks would be there for her to love her and keep her company.
Oh be quiet! she thought irritably, There are more important things to worry about.
And with that, Fawnstep went back to worrying about gathering all the herbs she needed, pushing Foxtracks to the back of her mind. She thought about where to find and gather the herbs she needed, and how exactly she was going to manage carrying all those herbs back to camp she wasn't quite sure.

[+ + ♪ {foxtracks}]

Enter
Foxtracks
What A Shame We All Became

What would happen if one had loved, but never lost? If the world bent to the will of two hearts, dancing to the same beat? Life could be cruel. Nobody knew that better than Foxtracks. Iin this world, he had loved and lost. The world had kept on spinning - and life went on without him. He was left behind.

Foxtracks spent his days the same on the outside. To them - to his friends and Clanmates - he was the same bubbly and troublesome tom he had always been. It was easy to put on a fake smile - and laugh 'cause it was denial. On the inside, he had come close to breaking. He had come a long way from the shattered glass he had been. It had taken many moons, but he had fallen in love. Many times had he and Fawnsteps been separated throughout their adolescence. Maybe it had been a sign - fate desperately trying to thwart their love before she could be taken away from him.

But it didn't really matter anymore. The stars had chosen Fawnstep to be a medicine cat. Their love could never be. Resent bubbled up inside of Foxtracks - so strong it threatened to break his sanity. What gave StarClan the right to take Fawnsteps away from him? They were dead. Not one of them would ever walk among the living again. You only had one life, why decide to ruin his? Guilt gnawed at Foxtracks' belly. He shouldn't think like that. But it was so hard. Because of this, because of everything that had happened, he could never love the one cat he had fallen head over heels for.

Foxtracks sighed. Nothing would change. The fates had dealt their hand, and Fawnsteps had made a choice. Their friendship had remained, but that spark had never died. Foxtracks' yellow eyes clouded over; thoughts spinning webs throughout his mind. Determined to push these thoughts behind them, Foxtracks padded out of camp. He needed to be alone - to put as much distance between Fawnsteps and himself.

Unbeknown to him, Fawnstep was closer than ever. Without paying attention, Foxtracks ran into the she-cat. Shaking his head, Foxtracks quickly regained his composure. "Fawnsteps!" the tom meowed, hiding the surprise and resent that coated his words. "I'm so sorry," he blinked, picking up a few of the herbs that had scattered. Foxtracks fixed his gaze on the ground, unable to bring himself to look into her eyes. "What are you doing out here?" Foxtracks paused, realizing the stupidity of his question. "Ummm, scratch that."he laughed, uncomfortable at the force it took.

[/font]

[Fawn <3]

As she had left camp to go collect the aforementioned herbs, Fawnstep couldn't help but wonder if the short journey wouldn't take as long as it usually did if she had possibly been born with all her limbs, instead of only three.
"Oh well," she muttered to herself, "You get along just fine for a useless little cripple." She shook her head angrily. Using the words the elders had used when they spoke about her never failed to get her angry and help her focus on trying to do better as a medicine cat and being the very best she could be for her clan.
At least the other clans treated her nicely at gatherings. Oh yes, indeed they whispered about her, but rather than scorn, they showed awe and amazement. Possibly even some admiration from the other cats. She could indeed carry out her medicine cat duties despite being somewhat handicapped. It took her awhile to get places, but she did what she could to the best of her abilities.

"Idiot," she muttered, and walked over to a nearby puddle to glare loathsomely(not sure if that's a word xD) at the feline staring back at her. "Why can't you ever think of things before you do them? Don't you see you've just caused a problem for yourself and possibly other members of the clan? How are you going to get all these herbs back; and think about the ones you haven't gathered yet! What are you going to do about those?!"
She laughed darkly to herself, thinking that she wouldn't have such a problem and wouldn't have to worry about clanmates or herbs or sickness if she had run off with Foxtracks while she still had the chance. Who would care for clanmates or herbs or sickness when all you had to do was love. Love endlessly and wholly, love your partner, your mate. "But I can't have one, now can I? StarClan's ruined that for me, haven't they?" she sneered at her reflection.
Suddenly, Fawnstep jumped back and looked around, horrified. What had caused her to rant in such a way? Where had all those disloyal thoughts come from, and more importantly what if any of her clanmates had heard?? Seeing that no one was around, Fawnstep gave a sigh of relief. She shook out her fur to get rid of the idea. Where had all that fueled rage come from? All she could be sure of was that there was no way it could get out of control like that again. Taking deep breaths, she reached out a forepaw and smacked the puddle with all her might in one forceful blow. Water splashed everywhere, some getting on her pile of herbs.

The slender gray she-cat let out a groan and hurried over to her precious herbs. None of them had been soaked, only a few droplets remained on the juniper berries. Thanking StarClan, she apologized for her temper and uncalled for anger. She had hoped they heard and that she was forgiven. She didn't want her clan to have to suffer for her mistakes and misplaced anger. Yes she nodded, misplaced, that's all. She should really be mad at Foxtracks. It was his fault for making her like him in the first place. His handsomeness and charm. The way he always hung around her. The way he saw through the deformity when they were kits and accepted her for who she was. Fawnstep sighed. She realized she couldn't possibly blame the tom. He was so wonderful and caring, a little slow maybe, but wonderful nonetheless. She had no one to blame but herself.

She went back to gathering herbs, unaware of anything around her until something warm bumped her and almost knocked her flat on her hindquarters. She shook her pelt out annoyingly, for she had fallen into the much smaller puddle from before. About to turn around and tell the careless warrior off for running into her, she heard his voice. Oh dear StarClan, she thought to herself.
Fawnstep permitted herself a quick glance at the tom she loved so much.
"Hello Foxtracks," she mewed warmly, before slipping back into her mask of focus. She kept her light green eyes trained on her work, sorting the herbs she had gathered from one big pile to many smaller piles based on their type. She knew if she looked at him again her heart would quiver with excitement, only to fall and break when she remembered they couldn't be together.
"I'm just gathering some herbs. We're rather low on many, and I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get them in time for leaf-bare,"she replied in a cool voice. "There's so many, and still more needing to be gathered after this."
Deciding it would be rude not to face him any longer, Fawnstep slowly turned her head, keeping her eyes down safely at her paws.
"I was just about to look for a warrior or apprentice to help carry these back to my den. Would you help me?"
She turned her pale eyes on Foxtracks and added, "We'll need more after this so we would probably come back looking for more. Do you think you could help me there too?" She cursed herself as her voice shook, but she steeled herself so that her gaze remained unwavering.

[+ + ♪ {foxtracks}]

Brought Back
from the dead.
To see the side of me no one ever will.

If time could stand still, would one jump at the chance to spend eternity to their liking? Or would one cringe at the thought ? If time stood still, what predicament would one be in? If time stood still, Foxtracks wouldn't know what to do. Caught in between forever and Fawnsteps would surely kill him. To be alive for eternity - to look into her eyes every day - would send him over the edge. He was already teetering between this world and the black abyss that gaped behind him.

To spend forever in his current predicament would drive Foxtracks insane. The exact opposite of what he had wanted happened. In his futile attempt to distance himself from Fawnstep; he had only brought himself back to her presence. Ironically, this applied for both situations he found himself buried in. The more Foxtracks tried to forget the beautiful she-cat in front of him, the more in love he fell.

Regret blossomed inside of Foxtracks as he listened to Fawnstep. To hear her voice shake at those moments - those moments when she lost her cool - would haunt the tom. He knew he was the reason for her heartache. Something told him, behind her mask, she still loved him. And that hope he clung to. Without it, there would be no reason to live. Life would be an empty shell.

Foxtracks heart sunk at Fawnstep's request. A part of his mind sung at the very thought of helping her, let alone making several trips alone with her. But that part was silenced. Moons of practice accounted for that. Instead, worry replaced it. His plan was to admire her from afar. He could take that. He wasn't sure he could keep his emotions bottled up inside.

None of that mattered at this moment. They were supposed to be friends. Straightening up, Foxtracks focused his gaze on Fawnstep's forehead; daring to take a peek at her eyes. Lucky for him, they were locked on the ground. "I'd be happy to help," he meowed, flicking his tail against her nose. Glancing down at the herbs Fawnsteps was reorganizing, he paused. "Umm, Fawnsteps...exactly how many herbs do you need to collect?"

Foxtracks bent down to nudge a juniper back to its respective place. The tom wrinkled his nose as the scent of herbs hit him. He had never particularly enjoyed the smell of herbs. Especially now. Their musky scent now mixed with Fawnstep's. She had always smelled nice to him, and he did not like the herbs overpowering it. Caught in his thought, Foxtracks decided to voice his opinion. "I don't see how you can stand the smell of these all day," he complained.

[/font]

[Fawn <3]

.x. Maybe I can live without;
.xx.when I'm out from under...

Fawnstep nodded. Maybe it was indeed possible to remain friends throughout this lifetime. But even as she thought the words, she knew they were false. False words triggered by false enthusiasm. How typical. Disappointed in herself, she gazed down again. Gazed numbly at the three light gray paws that seemed to carry her from one side of the clearing to the other.
How much this pain hurt! Would it always be like this? she wondered. ((ooc; In case you are having trouble understanding this to whoever reads it, Fawnstep doesn't mean the pain of having only 3 limbs. That doesn't hurt at all actually. She's talking about the pain in her heart in which she knows she can't be with Foxeh <3))

She gestured with her tail for Foxtracks to follow her; she couldn't forget her duties at a time like this, there were still more herbs to collect. Fawnstep was sure Stripestar would be upset if sickness broke out in the clan and she could do nothing but pray and watch and wait for the deaths of her clanmates. Besides, it was a bit easier to think when she was out from under his hopeless gaze. She felt awful, knowing she had caused it, but what could she do? Nothing, she thought bitterly.

Waiting for the tom to cross the clearing to join her, she winced at the sound of his voice as it reached her fragile ears. Covering it up with a few chest licks, Fawnstep responded, "Um, quite a lot actually. I should have gathered some of these much earlier, but we've seemingly been blessed with a short grace period in the clan so I haven't needed them."
Supid stupid mousebrain! she snarled at herself, What kind of medicine cat would go without certain herbs for any length of time, even if not needed right away? Well, there's no use moping about it now; the faster we collect those herbs the better.
For the poor broken she-cat was worried something might slip out that Foxtracks wasn't supposed to hear.

What a wonderful event that would be, she thought sarcastically.

"I think herbs smell wonderful actually," Fawnstep tried to grin and keep her tone light, "In fact, I sniff each of them before I go to bed every night. I get a nice relaxing feeling, like I'm floating on clouds."
Then she remembered Foxtracks didn't always realize when she made a joke. She forced herself to look up at him and stare with a teasing glint in her pale, forest-coloured eyes.

[Risa [Isis]]

[glow=red,2,300].xyou long to see the world die;;
I long to keep this cure insidex.[/glow]

"How romantic."

The words were dark, the honey-light voice sneering sarcastically at the scene before her eyes. What hopeless lovers. She wanted to tear them apart, to stop the felines from avoiding each others' gaze with lovesickness dancing in their heart; they couldn't see their pain reflected in the other, but perhaps they knew where it was hidden. She knew it was there, she could sense it, despite it being buried far under. It made her pelt ruffle, her hackles bristle at the thought that they were stuck in this stage of hopelessness.

But she knew well enough that this was the reason she had chosen this tom to look after. This reason, here, before her - the chance to play with their lost love. It would greatly help Firegaze's mission; they would destroy the Angels, take over the skies, and recover what they had lost.

She stepped from the ferns nearby, her lips curled in a devious grin, her sharp fangs just showing, hidden razors behind a beautiful, cruel visage. Her snow white coat hid a petite figure, muscles rippling underneath the fur; her tail twitched before coming to rest at her paws as she sat, the black tail tip beckoning darkness forth. Her wings, small and black, curled with a feathery ruffle as she settled down.

Her lovely body was hidden from the two, by shadows and the powers she had recieved once she had passed on to join the Death Wings'. Later, when Foxtracks was alone, she would reveal himself to him; tell him that she was his guardian, tell him that she would care for him, that she would match his every pawstep. For now, however, she would wait - wait and watch.

Her eyes narrowed, their chilling and fiery depths trained on the tom, flickering once to the she-cat before returning to broken tom. Broken was good. All the Death Wings were either broken or skilled at breaking. It was their way. Their charges, too, often held similar characteristics. The Death Wings would care for them, nurture the emotions brewing inside and whisper sweet thoughts so that, once it was strong enough, anger or hurt would transform to evil - then it could rear its ugly head.

As the Death Wing pondered this calmly, she kept an eye on Foxtracks, noting how he acted around Fawnstep. She couldn't help the growing smirk on her maw, nor the feeling that things would turn out in their favour.

"Just you wait..." Rosetwine murmured, her voice just loud enough that it carried to Foxtracks, a ghost's mew.

ooc;; hope it's alright for me to post here =3

[+ + ♪ {foxtracks}]

Put the gun in my mouth
and pull the trigger .
I feel so alive here

The innocent observers will refuse to find the lie within

[/center]

Cut you and you bleed.

Cut me and I feel nothing.
I've already gone numb.

The strong survive and the weak fade away. Escape is my reality, but nothing seems to go away. So here I find myself - stuck between the hell of my dreams and the nightmare of my life.

Forgive and forget.

Someone used to tell me that. How life would be easier to live, forgetting all the things that went wrong. How right they were. Unfortunately for me, life doesn't work that way. Not anymore, at least. But I wouldn't go back. Things will always be the same, no matter how many times you go back to change it.

What was the point of hiding the truth and just spitting out lies? Lie after lie. I was just another ghost from the grave - coming back to whisper to the innocent, to corrupt yet another bystander in the story of my life.

What had happened to me? I used to be real. I had hope, I had love, I had happiness. Now I'm an empty shell. Hope has long since faded. Love had burned me until I screamed in agony on the inside.

Away from the fire I can feel again. A smile on my lips, a glint in my eye, a laugh from my mouth. Life isn't always a bleak and charred wasteland. But I can't outrun the fire. It starts with a single ember - a hint to its existence. And soon the fire rages, hitting me with that numbing effect that threatens to blot out my sanity.

My entire being revolved around that fire - I would be nothing without it. That's why I couldn't let it go out. If the flames began to diminish I would be there until they reached the sky again.

I should have walked away from the fire long ago. Without me it could have burned brighter. Without me, there would be nothing to make it go out.

___

Now the time came to walk into the fire again.

The more I thought about it, the more I noticed. The forced smiles were enough for any normal cat to notice the problem, but I had overlooked them. Fawnstep's words fell deaf upon my ears. I heard, but I understood nothing. The reality of our situation had crashed down upon me. It wasn't the same for Fawnstep's either. She hadn't forgotten about what we had been, she hadn't just gone back to being friends. Friendship could not exist, no matter how hard we tried.

It broke me even more on the inside. Because of me, she spoke lies. We weren't okay, she wasn't okay.

Something told me it didn't matter, though. A voice in my head urged me to forget and continue my act.

And the thing that scared me the most, was that I followed it.

With my head tilted to the side, I nudged Fawnstep. "Like floating on clouds, huh?" I paused, giving her my best smug look possible. "As your friend, I'm obligated to tell you - I really don't think that's safe. Next thing you know you're going to be having hallucinations. Won't that be fun to see?"

At that moment, I had become a master puppeteer. Something inside me had finally fallen into place. I was still broken, but functioning. My mind had finally warped. I was like a madman on drugs. The drug was temporary, but effective for the time being. My heart still screamed for Fawnstep's, but I had finally found a way to control my actions. I could cover up the pain within.

"If we're going to be collecting a lot of herbs, I call dibs on getting the good tasting ones," I smiled, flicking her nose with my tail. "Only you medicine cats can stand the taste of those bitter ones," I added, scrunching up my nose in a mock expression.

At that moment I froze. Something wasn't right. I had hear a voice, but Fawnstep had not spoken. Perhaps I really was insane. Nightmares haunted my dreams, and now they would haunt my waking hours. But I knew better. This wasn't something I had just imagined.

"Who are you?" I hissed, inaudible to all. But I had a hunch a certain someone would hear.

[xD Long time, sorry.
Hope you don't mind my experiment with first person. ^^]

[/font]

[Risa [Isis]]

ooc;; lol, no I liked the first person try, it was really good! =D

bic;;
Rosetwine had settled down in the shadows to watch, sitting with her tail curled 'round her paws. Her tailtip was a black speck among a sea of white, surrounding by darkness on all sides. Wings ruffled, and a rueful smile curled her lips as she overlooked the situation. With a bit of effort, she gazed into the tom's mind and saw thoughts of a fire, of being trapped.

The Death Wings paid no attention to the female; she often ignored the she-cats that passed her by, anyways. They often were of no use to her; it was males that she played with, that made dreams come true.

Nightmares, too.

But Rosetwine always helped with those. It gave her shivers of pleasure to see the nightmares come true, and it always made her more coy. The nightmares amused her, but it was clear the gray tom was already living one. Perhaps it was why Rosetwine was drawn to him, like the yellow-winged moths were drawn to light. Unlike the small creatures, however, Rosetwine could not be defeated by the light - or, well, darkness, in this case.

A bit of talk about herbs; at first Rosetwine thought it might clue her in, help her better understand the tom, but as she listened, she realized it was just idle chatter. It hardly made sense to the ghost, anyways.

Then, Foxtracks changed - he grew tense, his hackles bristling ever so slightly. Rosetwine tensed in response, crouching down even lower in the shadows.

He had heard her? Good.

She stood, unwinding her tail slowly, before stepping forward and padding towards the tom even more slowly. She circled around the two, before stopping by Foxtracks' shoulder, her whisper just ruffling his ear fur. For a brief moment, she let her defenses down, so that only Foxtracks could see her, a white cat with dark wings. Then she became invisible again.

"I'm Rosetwine," she purred, her odd-eyed gaze bright. "I am your spiritual Guardian, and I can help you, Foxtracks, help you escape the fire and live a full life again." Her whisper was sweet, and promising, yet she hadn't mentioned that by escaping the fire, he was going to fall into darkness; with help from her, of course.